I am unsure how it happened or what exactly led to it. When I try to recreate that moment in my mind, the details are too fuzzy to see. Up until that moment, I found myself going to bed each night with a whispering anxiety… this dull ache residing deep within my gut. Up until that day, I woke up each day with a sense of dread and impending doom, although if you asked me, I would never have been able to explain to you exactly why. Those feelings had become so routine that they were ingrained in my whole being. I simply didn’t know how to feel any other way, or so it seemed.
Then it happened! One day, I woke up and found myself in this place. Now, let me tell you… My bed was the same. My alarm went off at the same time as it did the day before, and the day before that. The tumbler of ice had melted, as always, on my nightstand, leaving me with a nice drink of cool water without ever having to leave my bed. My puppy was stretched out next to me, looking at me with those pleading eyes to take him out for our morning walk, like he does every day. The day’s schedule looked no different than usual. My bank account hadn’t changed much (good or bad). Overall, not a single thing was different.
But it happened! I found myself in this place. This place where everything suddenly felt just right. I don’t even know what “just right” means, but it was. There was a calm, serene feeling warming me throughout, straight down to my toes. My heart was calm. My soul felt light and airy. My vision was clear.
In this new place, I had an overwhelming sense of peace. Peace with where I have been. Peace with what I’ve been through. Peace with my mistakes. Peace with the hurts. Peace with what is to come. And suddenly, there I was.
Impulsivity. This can be seen as a positive quality to possess… but impulsivity is NOT the same as spontaneity. If you look up the definition of each in the dictionary, the actual definitions are quite similar, yet they have different connotations. Spontaneity tends to refer to being flexible and willing to try new things without having to plan it out, whereas impulsivity seems to be a bit more negative. I think of impulsiveness when I consider a person who is a bit reckless… making decisions on a whim with no regard for the consequences. But all of this is just semantics!
I used to act incredibly impulsive… making unnecessary purchases, making decisions about relationships, and making sudden career decisions. Were some of those decisions reckless? Hell, yes! But more and more, I am learning to practice patience. It can be brutal sometimes. It seems, however, that when I learn to be patient, the right things tend to come along. The things I rush into having are usually things that will not last too long. If I buy a shirt on a whim, typically I end up not really liking it too much… sometimes I may even return that impulse buy.
On the other hand, the things about which I think long and hard… the things for which I truly plan and wait, are usually the things that I am meant to have, or the people with whom I am supposed to be. Patience is a virtue, or so they say. If we wait, and have faith that it will all work out, then we will probably end up with what is best for us in the long run.
If you want something really special, and you hope to have it in your life for a long time or even forever, then wait. Have patience and faith that if it is truly meant to be, and more importantly, if it is RIGHT for YOU, it will be yours. The waiting will most certainly be worth it!
Acceptance is really the key to happiness. When I accept that things are exactly as they are supposed to be, and the people in my life are exactly who they are supposed to be, all is well in my world.
When things are bothering me, and I am feeling unsettled, the truth is that it is because I am finding some person, place, thing, or situation unacceptable to me. I read that recently and it has stuck with me. It made me realize that those occasional feelings of uneasiness, the trouble sleeping, the anxious thoughts… they are a result of me wishing that some person would act better, or that situation would resolve itself, and so on.
I have to remind myself of one very important truth. That truth is that nothing happens in God’s world by mistake. I believe that to the core of my being. If I am trying to control another person or a situation, I am saying that I know better than God.
So the bottom line is this… I have to accept that things are the way they are supposed to be, whether I like it or not. If I can honestly accept that, only then can I find the peace.
Today, I have that sense of peace. Today, I concentrate on what needs to be changed in me and my attitudes, instead of looking at what needs to be changed in my world. When I can accept that I am who I am, and things are as they are supposed to be, then all will be well with my world!