Archive | May 2018

Thank You for the Life You’ve Given Me ~ Love, Mom

To My Kids:

On this Mother’s Day, I’ve been thinking about how everyone is thanking their mothers for giving them life. However, when I really considered this, I realized that the moment I gave birth to you both, I was given a life beyond my wildest dreams. This life was filled with MANY crazy ups and downs, but throughout it, there you both were. In fact, if you don’t believe in love at first sight, wait until you look into the eyes of your own newborn someday! That’s love at first sight!

There will come a day when I am gone…. but you both need to always know and remember what you meant to me. Yes, I say “I love you” often, but do you really know just how much? Well, let me tell you…

I loved you, and secretly grinned, when you stepped on the neighbor’s newly planted marigolds on a dare from your friend when you were about 8 years old, Michael. Of course, I made you water the replacements daily, although you surely didn’t want to. Again, I grinned!

I loved you when you bought tiny collars and placed them on the poor baby bunnies you found, Megan, so you could walk them. You didn’t know what would happen to baby bunnies taken away from their mother. I have to admit, though, that I chuckled inside when I saw you with a little bunny on a leash!

I cherish memories of a child size recliner chair, Barney & Arthur, Blue’s Clues, sweet little voices and laughter, Catholic school uniforms, community pool days with friends, kisses goodnight, hugs in the morning over cereal, lost teeth, cuts and bruises, tears, growing pains, high school challenges, and growing up – moving out, moving back in…  Through it all, there has always been one constant. My love for you both!

Mothers are supposed to be there for their children. We are supposed to love you through hard times, support you, listen with an empathetic ear, offer a shoulder or a tissue. I hope that I was able to do all of those things, but when I look back and even today, I realize you have both done that for me! Whether it was coming to my aid after a fender bender, hugging me when I suffered a painful breakup, laughing with me over ridiculous things, or singing soundtracks from Rent in the car LOUDLY, you were both always there for me!

No matter where I am or where you are in life, I will always be your mom. My love for you will always remain, long after I’m gone. I carry a piece of you both with me always, and I pray you carry a piece of me in your hearts always as well. Through all of life’s challenges, and even when you feel unlovable or lonely (and there will be times you feel that way, unfortunately), just know this… I loved you from the moment I knew I was carrying each of you. I loved you the moment I laid eyes on each of you. I loved you through everything, and I love you more each and every day as I watch you grow into beautiful, amazing adults with so much potential in this life. Believe in yourselves, as I have believed in you. That is all I can ask for. Never, ever doubt that love at first sight exists. You are BOTH proof that it does!

I love you more than you may ever know!

Love, Mom

 

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And Suddenly… There I Was!

I am unsure how it happened or what exactly led to it. When I try to recreate that moment in my mind, the details are too fuzzy to see. Up until that moment, I found myself going to bed each night with a whispering anxiety… this dull ache residing deep within my gut. Up until that day, I woke up each day with a sense of dread and impending doom, although if you asked me, I would never have been able to explain to you exactly why. Those feelings had become so routine that they were ingrained in my whole being. I simply didn’t know how to feel any other way, or so it seemed.

Then it happened! One day, I woke up and found myself in this place. Now, let me tell you… My bed was the same. My alarm went off at the same time as it did the day before, and the day before that. The tumbler of ice had melted, as always, on my nightstand, leaving me with a nice drink of cool water without ever having to leave my bed. My puppy was stretched out next to me, looking at me with those pleading eyes to take him out for our morning walk, like he does every day. The day’s schedule looked no different than usual. My bank account hadn’t changed much (good or bad). Overall, not a single thing was different.

But it happened! I found myself in this place. This place where everything suddenly felt just right. I don’t even know what “just right” means, but it was. There was a calm, serene feeling warming me throughout, straight down to my toes. My heart was calm. My soul felt light and airy. My vision was clear.

In this new place, I had an overwhelming sense of peace. Peace with where I have been. Peace with what I’ve been through. Peace with my mistakes. Peace with the hurts. Peace with what is to come. And suddenly, there I was.

And I smiled…

~ Patti Crowley